Can the Heart Forget?
by Skye12
Summary: 'And I can't come.' 'No, Sam. Not yet anyway, not further than the Havens. Though you too were a Ring-bearer, if only for a little while. Your time may come.' -- Sam waited long for the day he may see his master again. But what if Sam has been forgotten
1. Return to the Sea

Chapter 1: Return to the Sea  
  
The sea churned vast and wide and seemingly endless before Sam's eyes. His mind drifted to the last time he saw that endless sea. It took his life away; his life, his heart. All that he ever knew and loved sailed away to the sea. And he felt wounded, a wound that he thought would never really heal. A wound, like other wounds, that could only be healed by the sea. So he could not hate it. A music drifted on the waves, a song he heard from a loved one's lips so long ago. It was calling him now, it had been calling him for a long time. And now he must answer, he could not ignore it any longer.  
  
A face came to Sam's memory. It held a great pain in those blue eyes, blue like the sea. Such pain and love and anguish in having to leave him, but both knew it was what must be. And both knew they would meet again some day, for Sam must return to the sea too.  
  
"Dad?"  
  
Sam sighed lightly, "Yes Elanor?"  
  
"Are you sure, Dad? All respects intended but you're not young any more."  
  
"I'm sure," Sam laughed, "But thank you for your concern."  
  
"Frodo is concerned too, Dad. He doesn't want you to go. None of us do. Can't you stay?"  
  
"No, Daughter. That's the thing. I'm not young any more. Almost one-hundred and one, not quite the age for adventures is it?"  
  
"No, Dad."  
  
"But with every journey there is a test. I believe that I've finally found one without a test."  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Neither do I." Sam pulled his eldest daughter into his arms and they held eachother for a long time. He felt her tears fall on his shoulder and his own slide down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Elanor, but I cannot stay. Your mother died a long time ago. There is nothing left here for me. You and your brothers and sisters are grown now, you don't need an old hobbit to look after."  
  
Elanor was at a loss for words. She wanted to protest, she wanted to tell him how much she loved him and wanted him to stay. But words could not come to her lips. But somehow Sam knew, and patted her shoulder, "It will be alright. You cannot always be torn in two."  
  
Memories flooded back to Sam. The last time he heard those words, from another's lips. And how much he wanted to beg him to stay, not to leave him, but he couldn't, like Elanor couldn't. And he understood. Sam remembered that night, how it was comforting to have Pippin and Merry with him. But after they fell asleep, he crawled under a tree and cried until his tears dried up and his throat ached. He hoped Elanor would not cry like that, that she would not be so wounded when he left. Something told him she would heal. Unlike him, she was not a Ring-bearer. She did not understand the power that it still held over him. The pain that he still felt, and the growing pain for not seeing his most beloved friend again.  
  
"Dad?"  
  
Sam turned and saw his son standing behind him. "Yes, Frodo-lad?"  
  
"I gave your things to Cirdan. The ship awaits."  
  
Sam could see how his son held back his tears, he tried to be brave, for his sister. Sam threw his arms around his son.  
  
"I love you, Dad," he cried and fell into endless sobs.  
  
Sam was silent. He let his son cry into his shoulder as his daughter did. And he laughed to himself, I'll never wash this jacket again. I'll keep their tears forever. And I'll never never forget them. With that he kissed each of them and bade them farewell. Then Sam stepped back to get a good look as his grown children. A proud smile curved onto his lips, Frodo returned it with his own brave smile that did not reach his eyes. Elanor held tight to his hand and as her father turned to leave them forever she burried her face into her brother's strong chest. He held her and kept his eyes on his father.  
  
Cirdan approached, "The ship is ready, Master Gamgee."  
  
"It's Gardner now."  
  
"When you come to the Undying Lands, you will be as you were, a Ringbearer, Samwise Gamgee, Elf-friend."  
  
Sam laughed, "So I will. But not so young."  
  
"Youth will be returned to you, Samwise. It is best to live out eternity in youth."  
  
"I suppose you're right, sir."  
  
Then Sam turned to say a last goodbye to his children. He snapped his fingers, "Oh, how could I have forgotten. Guess an old hobbit ain't what he used to be. Can't hold things to mind much any more."  
  
He started to rumage through his things. "Ah here we are." He pulled out an old red book. It was tattered and very old. The binding was somewhat worn and the pages were yellow from years. But it was taken care of very well. As if it were a priceless piece of mithril. Sam patted it lovingily, "I want you to have this."  
  
Elanor took it gingerly in her hands and Frodo opened to the first page. His eyes widened in disbelief. It couldn't be, could it? "Is this Master Bilbo's red book?" Frodo cried with disbelief.  
  
"Indeed it is." Sam nodded proudly, "All finished now. A tale comes to an end."  
  
"This is The Red Book?" Elanor stroked it gingerly, "We weren't aloud to even touch it when we were little. But I remember the stories." Tears came to her eyes. "But what do you want us to do with it?"  
  
"Bring it to the King of Gondor. Have him make copies. It is a piece of your history. And read it to your children. So that they may know the danger their land was in, and how much some sacraficed to save it, so that they may love it all the more."  
  
Sam smiled remembering the words. Perhaps not put the same, he was never very good with words.  
  
Elanor closed the book and held it tight to her chest. "I will, Dad."  
  
He nodded and smiled, "I'm very proud of you. All of you."  
  
"I know, Dad." Frodo answered.  
  
And with that he turned. Sam started to walk up the ramp and turned back to see his son holding his weeping daughter. He smiled, We raised them well, Rose. He looked up to the sky as he thought this. Then his eyes returned to his children and he felt he could not abandon them so quickly. He felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Best to go now, Samwise," said Cirdan.  
  
"Of course, you're right." He whispered, turning to leave his beloved land forever. But the shire was lost to him now. "It must often be so, Sam, when things are in danger: some one has to give them up, lose them, so that others may keep them." The voices of the past rang clear in his mind. And he turned his head to the west, here lies his new life, though he made a silent promise to himself, he would not forget his children, his wife, the shire. He wouldn't forget Merry and Pippin, Legolas and Gimli, Strider and the Quest.  
  
Sam saw the shore slowly dissappear in the gathering mist. He wiped tears from his eyes, "Oh bother, Samwise, go on and blubber like a baby. You're not a child any more." The sea surrounded him, the air was fresh and new. The water churned and sang beneath the boat. He remembered those words, that song, and he sang quietly to himself.  
  
still round the corner there may wait a new road or a secret gate; and though i oft have passed them by a day will come at last when i shall take the hidden paths that run west of the moon, east of the sun A! Elbereth Githoniel! silvren penna miriel o menel aglar elenath Githoniel, A! Elbereth! we still remember, we who dwell in this far land beneath the trees the starlight on the western seas  
  
The stars were truly beautiful and Sam would spend most of the night just standing on deck and watching them dance above. And he thought of Rose. His most beloved wife and her last words to him. "Go to him, Sam."  
  
"Go to who, dear Rose?"  
  
"Go to the sea, Sam, it is time for your healing now."  
  
"No, Rose, I won't leave you. I love you."  
  
"And I love you too, Sam, but I'm- I'm dying, Sam."  
  
"No..."  
  
"Yes, Sam, and I let you go too. Be free and go to him. You need eachother, and he is- he is lost."  
  
"Lost? What do you mean? Rose? Rose! No Rose!"  
  
He felt her fair hand go limp and cold in his. And he cried, like he cried when he left him. Left on the sea, and now his dear heart, his love, Rose, has left him too. He was able to survive only by the comfort of his loving children. But he could not live on their love long. He would die if he did not seek healing.  
  
Sam brushed tears from his eyes again, "Now Sam, you better stop this. Crying is for young people, not an old Gaffer like yourself."  
  
"But you are young, Master Gamgee."  
  
Sam spun around to see Cirdan. Cirdan smiled at him, "Did you not look in your mirror?"  
  
"Well, no sir, I can't say I have. I've spent most of the time on deck, watching the stars and the moon. Sunset and sunrise till that glorious day when the sun sets on the land where I may see him again."  
  
Cirdan's expression abruptly changed. "Sam?"  
  
But Sam did not listen, he was smiling again, thinking of his old friend. Cirdan had not the heart to speak longer of this.  
  
~~~  
  
"Cirdan?"  
  
"Yes Master Gamgee?"  
  
"I saw it! I saw myself! I'm young, Cirdan, I'm young again! I got no wrinkles and not a grey hair at that! I look, well. I look thirty-three not one-hundred and one. How, Cirdan?"  
  
Cirdan laughed, "I told you young master. It is the sea. You are becomimg like an elf, Master Gamgee."  
  
Sam trembled with excitement, "Is- is Frodo like this too?"  
  
Cirdan frowned again. "Yes, Samwise, he is. And Master Bilbo too. It is the work of the sea."  
  
Sam hung over the rail and took a deep breath of the sea air. Letting it fill his lungs and tingle his senses, giving him new life with each breath. He leaned dangerously close to the edge but didn't seem to mind.  
  
Cirdan laughed again, "For a hobbit scared of rivers and streams you certainly brave the sea well enough."  
  
"I must say," Sam answered, "I had quite a few complaints of the river Anduin. But the sea- the sea is! Different. I can't hate it." The wind whipped back his golden curls. Ocean spray wetted his face.  
  
"I see what you mean little one," laughed Cirdan. "You halflings could always make me laugh. I do enjoy your company."  
  
Sam bowed, "I am honoured, Cirdan." Then he paused and looked to the west, "How long will it be?"  
  
Cirdan laughed and shook his head. 


	2. Shattered Hopes

Chapter 2: Shattered Hopes  
  
"We've been on the ship for a few moons now."  
  
"Has it been that long!"  
  
"Yes time passes differently here, Samwise."  
  
"Like Lorien?"  
  
Cirdan laughed, "Yes, little one."  
  
"Well, how long?"  
  
"You are impatient aren't you. Perhaps another two moons. It will pass quickly, Master Gamgee, I assure you."  
  
Sam sighed, "Not quick enough."  
  
"What troubles you. Don't you love the sea?"  
  
"Oh yes I do, make no mistake. But- I've waited so long. I believe if I wait any longer I would surely burst. I must see him again. Have you- have you seen him, Cirdan?"  
  
Cirdan got that worried look in his eyes again, "Yes, Master Gamgee, I've seen him. I've gone for many a visit."  
  
"How is he! Is he doing well!" Sam bounced up and down. Like an excited child.  
  
"Calm down, little one, or you will burst. He is well. But- but Sam, I should-"  
  
Sam stopped bouncing for a moment, "What? What's wrong?"  
  
"Sam," Cirdan sighed, "I didn't want to tell you- but-"  
  
Sam felt his heart tug. Something was amiss. And he thought this journey would be simple, like going on holiday. Fool. He thought to himself, how can anything be easy?  
  
Cirdan guided Sam and sat him down, "He is well. I assure you no harm can come to him where he is. The elves are taking very good care of him, and Master Bilbo too."  
  
"Then what is wrong?" Sam whimpered, feeling all his hopes come to a crashing halt.  
  
Cirdan was silent. Both gazed out to the sea for a while. The sun was setting the sky burst into golden flame. The sunsets were always so beautiful out on sea. Water surrounded them, Sam thought it strange that he was not afraid. Somewhere out there was his new home, and his old friend. But what was wrong? How could things go so wrong, after they just started to go right?  
  
"Cirdan?"  
  
The elf sighed. Sam had never seen an elf so distressed before. What could be wrong? Surely if Frodo was well- how could anything be wrong?  
  
Cirdan spoke at length, "These lands do strange things to one's mind. While he was able to heal from his wounds, and forget his pain."  
  
"That is good," said Sam, "I was hoping so. I remember seeing him "ill" and it hurt so much to see that." Sam looked at Cirdan, tears began to blur his vision. "I prayed long nights that he would never feel the burden of the ring again or the sting of the sword. I cursed that wraith ever on after that."  
  
"Do you still feel the burden of the ring, Samwise?"  
  
"I do, Cirdan. Or at least I did. But it was never as bad as Mr. Frodo. I never had such fits at night, but I still craved it. I yearned for its power. And sometimes all would seem lost and dark. But I had Rose..."  
  
"I am sorry."  
  
Sam let some tears fall silently, "After her death the pain and darkness got too much to bear. And my children tried. Oh they tried so hard to take care of me. But they couldn't and I didn't expect them to. Samwise Gard- Gamgee is no burden. They did not understand the power the ring held over me. And finally I turned to the sea. Mr. Frodo found healing here, perhaps I will too. Mr. Frodo-"  
  
Sam looked up at Cirdan, "What is wrong?"  
  
Cirdan sighed, "I best tell you now. While he was able to forget his wounds, his pain, he also forgot his life. He remembers it well enough, but I don't think- I don't think that he'll recognize you. The elves will, and Gandalf. They will help you and while Frodo's heart still remembers you it cannot convince the rest of him too."  
  
Sam was silent. He never thought in all of his nightmares that this would be true. He sat, stunned as if struck down. At first he stammered a moment but then broke down into tears, "He- He forgot me! I don't- I don't believe it! Why did I come! Why, oh why!"  
  
"He didn't forget you, Sam. It is the magic of the sea. With the pain of his life so went all else. But his heart won't forget you, I don't believe it could."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"I know because he loved you, Sam. He loved you so, and his heart won't forget. The heart can't forget."  
  
Sam turned and fled to his cabin. When he reached his bed he collapsed. "You were a fool, Samwise!" He sobbed. When he closed his eyes he saw Frodo's face. And he was standing on the ship among the elves and Gandalf. His eyes had the look of farewell in them, but he had a half smile that said, We will meet again, dear Sam, and everything will be put to rights.  
  
"Oh if only you knew! If only I knew!" Sam cried. Then his sobs stopped for a moment, "Would he still have gone? If he knew? Maybe Cirdan was wrong! He cannot be sure. What will I do?" He wailed, "Stay and let myself forget as well. Forget, Rosie, and Elanor and Frodo-lad and all the rest. Oh I'd never let myself forget them! I love them! I'll never ever forget you!" He cried to the ceiling.  
  
After a moment his tears ceased but he could not stop this pain from tearing at his heart. He felt his very soul crying out, and he fell into an uneasy sleep. A sleep wracked by nightmares and pain. He tossed and moaned in his sleep.  
  
"Frodo? No, Frodo!"  
  
The image of his dear friend leaving, fading away into the mists, being swallowed by the sea, replayed in his mind. He saw him leave, leave forever. Leave him to die, torn and broken. And Rose's voice echoed in the wind, "Be free and go to him. You need each other, and he is lost."  
  
"No, Rose! Don't leave me! He left me! Don't you go too!" Sam sat up abruptly. After a moment of regaining his wits the dreams kept replaying in his mind. He moaned and fell back into the covers, hoping to be swallowed by them and die. Darkness crept back into his mind. He hung on the edge of sleep and waking, the dream still haunting him. "Be free and go to him. You need each other, and he is- he is lost."  
  
"He is lost."  
  
"He is lost."  
  
"He is lost."  
  
"I'm lost, Rose. I don't know where to go now. All that I've ever loved has left me. Why did you leave me Rose! If you knew! Why did you go! Did he know? That look of farewell. Did he know? Oh say it isn't so!"  
  
~~~  
  
Day began to break and sunlight shone into Sam's cabin. He groaned and threw the covers over his head. Cirdan's voice came down to him, "It is light, little one, do you wish to come up?"  
  
"No, sir, I'm not feeling to well," came Sam's strangled response as he choked back more tears.  
  
Cirdan sighed and left to go about his duties on deck. He wanted to tell Sam it would be alright. His heart would still remember. Their love was so strong not even the magic of the Valor could break it. Couldn't he see that? Frodo would not forget. Would he? Cirdan shook his head; Of course not.  
  
Sam stayed in his cabin for many days after that until he had finally convinced himself that Cirdan was wrong. Frodo would recognize him. He just has to. And if not he would make him. 


	3. Some Convincing

Chapter 3: Some Convincing  
  
"Samwise! I'm glad to see you out and about." Cirdan met the hobbit as he stared solemnly to the west.  
  
"Yes, sir," said Sam, "I been thinkin, not worth sulkin about. And I can't get enough of the sea. It always seems to uplift me, if you follow."  
  
"Yes I do, Sam," Cirdan replied. "It fills you. Becomes a part of you and you a part of it."  
  
Sam gave a sombre nod.  
  
"You are still troubled."  
  
"I- I don't know. I don't know what to think anymore. But then my head was never the best part of me. Don't listen to your head Sam Gamgee, is what I'd always say, listen to your heart."  
  
"And what does your heart say, Master Gamgee?"  
  
Sam was silent. He took in the sea. Its white capped waves as they churned and slapped against the boat; the cry of the gulls, gliding by on snow- white wings. Such a small hobbit, lost among something so big. Sam could not think of ever seeing anything so big. Caradras shrunk in it's majesty, the depths of the Cracks of Doom became a mere niche in the mount, the Mines of Moria but a tiny village. And yet he loathed all of those, the sea he loved.  
  
"I do not know, Cirdan," he said at length.  
  
"Perhaps your mind is trying to speak for your heart. Close your eyes, silence your mind, hear your heart."  
  
With that the elf left and Sam was alone. He sighed and whispered to himself, "Shush up. Stop your foolish thinkin he will remember you you old ninny-hammer. He can't forget, we are one, each a part of the other, none complete without the other."  
  
A voice from the corner of Sam's mind spoke. "Or is that just how you are, Sam. You need him, but the Quest is over. He doesn't need you now."  
  
Another argued the point, "No, you were there for each other. He needs you and you need him."  
  
"Is that so? He didn't seem to mind, leaving you all alone on those shores, as he sailed away with the elves. He was going to be healed, and he was going to forget, and he knew it. You were his servant and he was your master, nothing more, Sam, nothing more."  
  
"No! No! It's not true! That was never how it was! That's not how it is!"  
  
"Yes it is! You know it, Samwise Gamgee. You served him, and you served him poorly at that. You let him get hurt, so deeply wounded that you lost him, it's your own fault, YOU didn't protect him. But the Quest is over and so is your servitude. He made that clear to you. *You cannot always be torn in two* He set you free. You should have stayed you old fool. You still had a family. They would have taken care of you."  
  
"No! No! No!" Sam cried, putting his hands to his ears, trying desperately to silence the voices.  
  
"No, what, Master Gamgee?" Cirdan stood behind him once more.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, just thinking is all." Sam answered in a voice less than a whisper.  
  
"Try thinking with your heart, Sam. I know your master won't forget you, you only need to remind him a little."  
  
At that word Sam stiffened. Master. What a dreadful word. It now stung him like a Morgul Blade. Master. That's all it ever was. Not friendship, not that bond that ran deeper than the roots of time. Not a bond that had a stronger power than the Ring itself. It was servitude, a master and his servant. Nothing more.  
  
"You are having regrets." It was not a question. Sam looked up at Cirdan. Such pain was in the hobbit's eyes Cirdan felt his own heart twinge. "It will be alright. He will remember you. I promise you that. Things will turn out well in the end, Samwise." He put a hand on the hobbit's shoulder but he brushed it away.  
  
"No, they never do. It's always lose lose. The ring lives, Middle Earth is destroyed, we destroy the ring we lose our lives, ourselves, and the third age in the process."  
  
"You did not lose your life, Samwise."  
  
"Oh yes I did," Sam was growing angry. "Everything I once had I lost it all. Nothing is simple any more. We all changed, we were all wounded. The lose of the few for the safety of the many. Even dear Pippin and Merry! Pippin lost all innocence after looking in that wretched stone. Merry was forever scarred after stabbing that wraith! The shire was destoyed and rebuilt, but it will never be what it once was! And I lost him! I lost him to the darkness no matter how hard I tried to protect him! And now- he's forgotten me!"  
  
Cirdan pulled the small hobbit into his arms and rocked his trembling frame gently. He stroked his soft, sandy curls and sang a low song in elvish. At length Sam spoke in a trembling voice again, "I don't know what I'll do. For all eternity- alone."  
  
"You can make him remember."  
  
"And if I did?" Sam looked up, "Wouldn't that just bring back the memories of the pain he had to endure? I'd never do such a terrible thing to him. If he is happy then I will leave him. If he is happy, that's all that matters, but it still hurts. It will never stop hurting. There are some things that won't be healed."  
  
Cirdan was silent. He couldn't comfort the hobbit. He just held him, and cradled him gently until he was worn from crying and fell limp in the elf's arms.  
  
Sam dreamed again that night. He saw himself in a room filled with pure, white light. It was warm and soft. The room was hobbit sized, and everything was so perfect. And there stood Frodo, young as he was, and happy. He had an oblivious smile on his face, as if nothing was ever wrong with his life. Sam gulped, "Mr.- Mr. Frodo?"  
  
Frodo looked up, his blue eyes brightened but without recognition. This hurt Sam already, then a smile appeared on the hobbits lips and it felt like a knife was being driven through him. "Hello," said Frodo, "What can I do for you?"  
  
"It's me, Frodo- Sam."  
  
Frodo frowned and looked into Sam's eyes. For a moment Sam thought that he would recognize him, "Hello Sam," said Frodo, smiling again, "Would you like a cup of tea? I was just preparing some myself and there is always room for another. We don't get many hobbit visitors here. Well come on, sit down, um- Sam it was?"  
  
This did it. The last stab into Sam that would surely kill him. And as he looked down he was indeed stabbed. And the smiling, oblivious Frodo held aloft a Morgul Blade, "What is it, lad? What's wrong?" he asked, wondering why such a look of anguish came upon Sam's face. He did not seem to notice the blade in his hand or the fact that he had driven it once more into Sam's heart. Sam fell to his knees, his eyes wide and unseeing, the look of agony still writ clear on his face, and the light faded. His last words were, "I don't blame you, Frodo."  
  
And the last thing he heard was, "Lad? Are you alright? What's wrong?"  
  
He woke with a start, his breathing rasped as he felt all around him expecting wounds or blood. With a sigh of relief upon finding no wounds he lay back again. "It was just a dream, Sam, just a dream."  
  
He tried convincing himself that the dream was nothing. And slowly he fell back to sleep. His sleep was haunted by darkness, and the dream, and a great wheel of fire, a band of gold, that threatened to take everything he cared for away from him. He tossed and groaned and whimpered. A great eye appeared before him, writhed in flame, and he cowered on the ground and kept crying, "Frodo! I don't blame you, Frodo. Frodo!" 


	4. Shores of Valinor

Chapter 4: The Shores of Valinor  
  
"Wake up Master Samwise!"  
  
Sam sat straight up, "Cirdan?"  
  
"Yes, Master Samwise. We've arrived."  
  
Sam lept out of bed, "We have? He began to climb up on deck, staggering as quickly as his hobbit legs could move him.  
  
"Calm down, little one. You don't plan on venturing onto the shores of Valinor in your bed gown do you?"  
  
Sam blushed crimson. "Oh, no sir." He climbed back down and sought for his tunic and breeches. He pulled his cloak of Lorien around his shoulders, fastening tightly but gently, the elven brooch. He sighed and gave himself a lookover in the mirror. "I- I look just as I did- when- when I set out from Lorien."  
  
"Maybe that's what he needs," answered Cirdan giving an approving look, "A little reminder."  
  
"No," Sam whispered, taking off the cloak and folding it neatly, "I don't want to remind him of his pain."  
  
"Then what do you plan on doing?"  
  
"I will see him one last time, if he doesn't remember me, then I will leave him to his happiness."  
  
"You are too humble and noble, Sam. You are willing to give up your friendship, your own happiness, for his?"  
  
Sam nodded.  
  
"That is either very foolish, or all too kind." Cirdan felt he loved the race more than he ever did. He vowed never to think ill of any hobbit ever, though he had never before. "Or it is both."  
  
Sam was barely paying attention. "Are we on shore?"  
  
"We'll be docking shortly." Cirdan stood and retreated to the deck.  
  
Sam stood silent infront of the mirror for a long time after that. "He will remember me. He will remember. He will."  
  
*He is lost.*  
  
"No! No he's not. He is happy."  
  
*He is lost. You must find him.*  
  
"I cannot remind him of his pain."  
  
Silence. It seemed, for the moment, Sam had won the arguement.  
  
"Master Samwise! We've docked!"  
  
"Coming, Cirdan, coming."  
  
He took one last look in the mirror and whispered to himself, "Coming, Mr. Frodo, coming."  
  
"No," he said to himself. "I won't call him Mr. Frodo. He is Frodo, my friend, NOT my master. With that he ran as quickly as his stout hobbit legs could carry him.  
  
On deck there was enough hustle and bustle for a small hobbit to get lost in. He broke his way through the mass crowds of elves to the ramp. The land of Valinor opened up around him like a dream. Light poured through the lands so pure and soft. The white, sandy beaches stretched out to his left and right. Elven homes dotted the seascape and the blue sea waters lapped up to kiss the cliffs of the land. In the distance golden forests grew tall and ancient, like the woods of Lorien. The sounds of elven music filled the air, the sea sang, the wind sang, everything was alive and new yet old at the same time. If this was indeed a dream, Sam wished never to awaken.  
  
"Well Samwise Gamgee, it's good to see you again."  
  
Sam's mouth moved wordlessly *Gandalf*. Then she spun around and was face to face with the old wizard. Sam almost fell to his knees trembling. "Gandalf! It's really you! Good old Gandalf!" He wrapped his arms around the wizard. Gandalf laughed and knelt to embrace the hobbit.  
  
The sound of Gandalf's laughter was better than any elven music to touch Sam's ears. Yet there was another's laughter he yearned even more to hear. He tried to push that from his mind for now.  
  
Sam could not believe his eyes. He had dreamed of this for so long. None of his dreams seemed fit to describe the beauty of the land. He was deeply humbled to see all of the elves, and the Lady Galadriel again, and Lord Celeborn, and Lord Elrond. They each gave him a fine welcome. After a moment of being in their company Sam laughed to himself.  
  
"What is it, Sam?" asked Gandalf.  
  
"Nothing Mr. Gandalf just-"  
  
Gandalf raised his brows. Sam had to laugh again, how he missed him so. He had almost forgotten Gandalf's mysterious ways, how he knew things before they were said. He had almost forgotten- almost.  
  
"Nothing just- All my childhood I've dreamt about elves. And when I was just a hobbit-lad I was always askin' Mr. Bilbo to tell me stories about them. And now- now I'm in the elven home, in Valinor, to stay. I'm living with the elves, Gandalf. It all seems but a dream."  
  
At Bilbo's name the wizard became suddenly serious. "Sam."  
  
Sam felt his heart wrench again. *No not more bad news. I couldn't take any more*  
  
"Didn't Cirdan tell you that- he and Frodo-"  
  
"-Forgot?" Sam whispered, it was the first time he had to finish one of Gandalf's sentances.  
  
"Yes, my boy."  
  
Sam shook his head, "Yes he did, but I don't believe him. I can't. Not until I see Frodo again."  
  
"There are ways to make him remember, my boy, don't fret. And if anyone can, you can, Samwise."  
  
"No." Sam answered pulling away from Gandalf's comforting hand. "If he's forgotten me, then he's forgotten the Quest and the Ring."  
  
"Yes that's true."  
  
"Well I don't want to remind him of those things. Those things, Gandalf, that hurt him so much. I will see him again and if he's forgotten then I shan't see him after."  
  
"You are a stubborn- foolish-" Gandalf paused and the wizard's expression softened, "I can't argue with you. You would be the only one who could make him remember. If you decide not to then I must believe your decision is in best interest."  
  
Sam was shocked. Never had Gandalf confided in him such. He bowed his head to hide his shock. He watched his feet sift along the white sand. A hand was laid gently on his shoulder.  
  
"Is that what your heart says, Samwise?" came the gentle caress of the Lady Galadriel's voice.  
  
Sam sighed, "I guess." He shoved his hands in his pockets and kept his eyes on his feet.  
  
"You've always had a true heart. If only you could get your mind to listen to it. Hope remains while the company is true."  
  
Sam looked up at the Lady as she smiled warmly down on him. He could not help but smile weakly back. They walked for a while, silent, along the shores. Sam felt the healing power of the sea engulf him and quell his sobbing heart. The Lady moved smooth along the sand and Gandalf stood at Sam's side. Sam needed only one other to make this the happiest moment of his life. Not quite the welcome he had expected, though he couldn't help but be thankful for the Lady and Gandalf.  
  
"When will I see them?" Sam asked at length.  
  
"Whenever you wish, Samwise," Gandalf answered. "Bilbo has not been hurt so much by the Ring. He is a bit better off."  
  
Sam nodded. 


	5. The Power of the Ring

Chapter 5: The Power of the Ring  
  
"Gandalf?"  
  
"What is it, Samwise?"  
  
"Well at risk of sounding like Pippin, I'm curious to know, where are we going?"  
  
Gandalf let out a hearty laugh. "Oh how I missed you, Samwise. Pippin and Merry too. How have they been?"  
  
"Mr. Merry's been doin well. He's now the master of Brandy Hall. He wed Estella Bolger and most people call 'im Meriadoc the Magnifiscent which I don't believe he minds much. Though he doesn't let it go to his head, I must say. Pippin is somethin' else. Regailin' everyone round with stories. But he's matured."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Well Mr. Pippin has surely caught up to his age, if you follow. He married a lovely hobbit-lass, Diamond. They had a son whom they named Faramir. I s'pose Master Peregrin still loves and misses Gondor. But their son is a real gentle-hobbit, most unlike his father was." Sam laughed to himself. "He married my lovely Goldilocks so I guess you could be sayin' me and Master Pippin are related now."  
  
"Why, Samwise, I never would have thought- Pippin and a wife." Gandalf shook his head and laughed, "That Took never ceases to amaze me, day by day. And how many little ones do you have yourself, Samwise."  
  
"Little ones? Oh they're not little any more. They got families of their own now, most of em." Sam was quiet for a moment. Gandalf gave a worried look at the small hobbit. But Sam smiled and drew in a breath, "My eldest, Elanor wed Fastred in the spring of 1421, and Frodo-lad has two strong sons, Holfast and Harding. Good boys they are. There's also Rose-lass, and Merry, and Pippin; Goldilocks, of course, and her boy Thain Peregrin; Hamfast, Daisy, Primrose, Bilbo-lad, Ruby, Robin, and little Tom." A proud smile, accompanined by a strong blush, came across Sam's face. Gandalf could hardly recover from the shock.  
  
"Why Sam-" was all he could say before the hobbit blushed again. "Well I can see the Lands of Valinor has done nothing to your memory."  
  
"Oh no, Mr. Gandalf. I promised myself. I promised Rose. I'll never never forget them. Never ever."  
  
After a few more moments Sam possed his question again, "Where are we going?"  
  
"To see Bilbo."  
  
The day was almost done, dusk had fallen on the elven homes and Sam still had not seen Frodo. This was not how he pictured it at all. He dreamt of it many times, trying to see how perfect it would be. He would stand on the top of the ramp, his eyes desperately searching the crowds of tall elves for one small figure. It wouldn't take him long to see the dark curly hair, the bright blue eyes, shining with pure delight and mirth as they set upon his own. There was Frodo, happy and healed, and running to embrace him after being apart for so long. And Sam would run down the ramp himself, almost falling to the ground as he so longed to hold his friend in his arms again. And they would stumble and break through the crowds, nothing keeping them from eachother. And all would be well again. He would be whole again. *You cannot always be torn in two* Sam shook his head. "Bother, couldn't you see? I was torn in so many pieces after you left, I thought I could finally pick them up and put them together by seeing you again. And now they shatter and break. So while I might not be torn in two, I'm still torn and broken."  
  
"Sam?"  
  
Sam found he had muttered that aloud, but barely audible. Did the wizard hear it? If he did hear the words he did not say so. He just showed Sam the door to Bilbo's room.  
  
"You are not coming with me?"  
  
"No, Sam."  
  
"But he won't remember me."  
  
"I think he might. Remember, Sam, the Ring did not have so strong a hold on him. It did not wound him as much. He had little to forget."  
  
Sam nodded as the wizard took his leave. He found himself very nervous, standing there all alone. But this was Bilbo, what reason was there to be frightened. Sam laughed at himself and knocked on the door.  
  
"Coming, coming," came Bilbo's voice. Sam found himself smiling at the very sound of his voice.  
  
The door opened and revealed to Bilbo an extactic Sam. Sam was just as taken aback. Bilbo was so young. Sam could not remember a time ever seeing him in such youth and vigor. Not a grey hair nor wrinkle. Bilbo looked stunned for a moment then uttered the word, "Samwise?"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Bilbo. I've come."  
  
"Sam!" Bilbo threw his arms around him and Sam found it somewhat hard to breathe. "I thought you were just a dream!"  
  
"What?" Sam choked out and Bilbo slackened his grip.  
  
"Oh come in, how rude of me."  
  
Sam bowed and stepped in. It was a perfect hobbit sized room. The elves have done it again, Sam thought, I hope they take such good care of Frodo. Bilbo sat down for a moment to take in Sam as if he was unreal.  
  
"Mr. Bilbo?"  
  
"Oh Samwise I'm sorry. I guess I should have expected this. Gandalf said we had a visitor, but he was very mysterious about it, as is his wont." Bilbo scoffed, "He never says anything just straight out. And I'm afraid, Sam, I almost forgotten you, the Shire. Gandalf said it was no worry, due to a Ring or something. I can't say I rightly understand what he talks about half the time."  
  
"You don't remember the Ring?"  
  
Bilbo shook his head, "Barely. It all feels like a dream now. I don't know what it did to me though, I don't understand magic, and frankly I don't want to."  
  
"But you remembered me."  
  
"How can I forget the best gardener in the Shire." Bilbo smiled, "I miss my gardens. I can remember those. Oh yes I can remember them so well. And I can remember I had to leave them, and I'd miss them, and my gardener, and Frodo. And now I'm here, doesn't play out right does it?"  
  
"No, sir, but I can remember quite well. Would you like me to tell you the stories?"  
  
"I can't tell you how lovely that would be."  
  
Now Sam was regretting not keeping the Red Book, but he told that story so much and so often, he had it almost memorized. Nevermind the fact that he lived it. He must have driven those tales into the minds of many a young hobbit too. He laughed to himself. "Oh, Bilbo, how I missed you!" Sam threw his arms around the old hobbit again.  
  
~~~  
  
"...and here I am." Sam ended the tale that has grown so long in the telling that night was indeed upon them. He had told it quite well, he thought, leaving out a few things he thought the hobbit would rather not hear about. And he was a bit unclear on the accounts that happened when he was not around, seeming not to recall those parts in detail from the Red Book. He kept the description of their time in Mordor breif, but he told it like he was speaking to a young hobbit child. As Sam spoke Bilbo remembered more and more. The Ring never truly pained him like it did Frodo, and Sam was glad at this. He enjoyed telling most of the story- most of it. Bilbo had stopped him in some parts of his own tale; of how he came across the Ring, of the dwarves, and smaug; to add in a few memories he recalled. Sam was mighty proud of himself when it was all done, perhaps hours after they had begun.  
  
Bilbo mused for a moment, "So I started all of that?"  
  
"Oh no, Mr. Bilbo, infact you might have saved us by finding that old ring." Sam answered trying to make it sound more of an old tale than a real Danger that had afflicted the world.  
  
"I suppose. That nasty creature Gollum could have kept it and done worse, I suppose." Bilbo fell deep into thought, "Isn't if funny?"  
  
"What is, Mr. Bilbo?"  
  
"That after all of that, Gollum was the one to destroy the Ring." Bilbo laughed, "It's all too much a dream to be true. It was a lovely tale, but I can't say I believe it."  
  
Sam gulped, "You don't have to."  
  
"Well I do trust you, Samwise, my lad, I know every word you speak is truth. But I still- I still can't believe it."  
  
"It's alright."  
  
"And Frodo's forgotten too I suppose?"  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Perhaps it is for the best. From the way you tell me, it is better he doesn't remember."  
  
"I know," Sam looked down at his feet, knowing how true those words were. "It is the power of the Ring. It held too tightly. Curse that wretched object. *So small a thing*" he remembered a snippet of Boromir's words. They sounded so wise now, from his own lips. When Boromire said them his lips were drenched with desire for the power of the Ring, and now that Sam could see, he did not blame Boromir, nor was he angry with him. He cursed that wretched ring once more under his breath. "It has taken everything I loved," he whispered.  
  
Bilbo put an assuring hand on Sam's shoulder and this time he did not brush it away. "I do not know what the right thing to do is. I think only you know that. You and Frodo need eachother, from the very beginning you needed eachother, every since," a smile formed on Bilbo's lips, "You were little hobbit-lads. You were always part of eachother, two halves of the same whole, apart you are broken, nothing. Even now there is something amiss with Frodo, though even he does not know it. He is blind to it now. But he is still broken, Sam. There is another wound that the sea, the elves, nor their land could heal. Only you, Sam."  
  
~Hey ppl. I must thank you soooo much for all the wonderfully nice reviews. As for your happy ending... Weeeeeelllll ::smiles secretly:: you'll all find out shortly I assure you. Frankly I'm more stunned than Bilbo ever could have been at seeing Sam. I'm stunned because I've never gotten any compliments about my work (except from my friends) but you can never believe them cuz they don't wanna hurt my feelings ^^;; This is really doing wonders for me and Frodo and Sam will meet in the next chapter!!! I am writing it now, that is after I do my geometry hw and stuff heeeheee. I'm definitely burnt out and its only the second day of skool volleyball has taken up my whole day but hopefully my writing won't suffer~~LadyHawk alls I can say is wowsers O_O NO ONE HAS EVER EVER LIKE MY WORK THAT MUCH!! I'm deeply honoured truly. Terribly sorry that I couldn't put it up didn't quite go along with how I had things planned for Frodo and Sam please take no offense it really was beautiful ::sniff:: I guess every author has their own point of view and they are equally beautiful I"ve read some of your work and it blew me away I will coment as soon as I get the time to return.. sorry bout how long this is taking. Much love and Chapter Six will be up soon and well ::grins:: you know what that means ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ::trembles:: I hope y'all like it~ 


	6. From the Ashes

Chapter 6: From the Ashes...  
  
After speaking with Bilbo Sam wanted to see Frodo right away. But his tales went long into the night and by the time Gandalf came he ushered him to bed, assuring him that he would see Frodo in the morn. Bilbo bade him farewell, "I will see you often now, Sam, I'm so glad you came, and reminded me." He added a friendly wink that made Sam smile.  
  
That night Sam dreamt again. He started to fear sleeping for the same dreams haunted him, darkness and despair, and Frodo. He kept himself awake as long as possible but soon sleep won, as it inevitably does. And there he was again, at Frodo's door, knocking, hoping beyond hope for some recognition. Each dream grew steadily worse, ending with darkness and a great wheel of fire that he despised beyond anything, and Rose's dear voice *He is lost*.  
  
Frodo grew increasingly angry one time, hurting Sam in a way he thought never possible. Cursing Sam for bothering him and returning to him the pain that he thought was gone forever. Each time he drove the Morgul Blade into Sam's heart, sometimes obliviously, sometimes with anger. Frodo faded and the blade as well, and Sam found himself standing on the cliff by the sea, looking out onto the endless waters. Those pure, healing, waters. They would heal his pain. And with that he let himself fall. Sam rolled off the bed, whimpering like a child, "Frodo." When he finally came to some sense, he cried again. Staggering to his feet Sam thought he could bear these terrible dreams no longer.  
  
Morning came and Sam dreamt nothing more that night. He lay awake in his bed for quite some time. He dreaded seeing Frodo but also was anxious. Gandalf came into the room, "Do you plan on coming out, Sam Gamgee?"  
  
Sam swallowed hard, "Yes, I do."  
  
~~~  
  
The walk to Frodo's room was just a dream in Sam's mind. He wandered between sleep and waking, dreams and reality. Gandalf guided him silently. Whatever was to be was to be, it was up to Sam now.  
  
Sam stopped abruptly infront of Frodo's door. Gandalf watched the frozen hobbit for some time, "Are you going?"  
  
Sam started out of his transe. He drew in a deep breath, "Yes." He knocked lightly on the door.  
  
Gandalf gave the hobbit a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder before leaving. Sam trembled all inside, he felt cold. Darkness pressed on his mind but he pushed it away. He knocked too lightly, he knew that already, but fear took him for knocking a second time.  
  
*Come along Sam Gamgee, you've faced the very darkness of Mordor but you cannot face your friend?*  
  
*Some things can hurt more than the fires of Mordor ever could.*  
  
Sam sighed, "Well I know one thing, I'd rather be facing Mordor right now." With a deep breath he gathered his courage and knocked once more.  
  
"Half a moment!" came a cheerful voice and Sam felt all his world stop. Of all the things he had hoped Frodo would first say to him that was not one. But it was Frodo and it was his voice and that was enough for Sam.  
  
The door opened and there they were face to face. Sam was frozen. A face he had often dreamt about (when his dreams were more pleasant) the face he had wished to see again for almost what seemed an eternity. The one person he wished to spend eternity with, stood before him. Frodo watched the gaping hobbit for a while with a smile on his lips. After a moment of seeing that this strange hobbit did not speak he spoke. "Welcome. Can I help you?"  
  
Sam bit hard into his lower lip. He squeezed his eyes tight as not to let any tears lose. He knew this would not be easy, do not cry now. Sam found no words again. Frodo took it to himself to do the talking, "I didn't know there were other hobbits here," he waited for a response, but when none came he continued, "Gandalf said it was just me and Bilbo."  
  
It was obvious Frodo was expecting a name. Sam tried hard to choke it out. "Samwise Gamgee," he bowed. He could almost see that Morgul blade twisting into him now, Frodo's hand guiding it, he could surely feel it.  
  
When he rose something flickered behind Frodo's eyes, if only for a moment, and was gone. "Hello, Samwise." He bowed as well, "Frodo Baggins."  
  
"Is something bothering you, lad?" Frodo detected the struggling tears in Sam's eyes.  
  
"Just looking for someone," Sam managed to answer.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"An old friend."  
  
"There are other hobbits? By all the stars am I told nothing!" He laughed.  
  
"Well no, it's just you and I and Mr. Bilbo."  
  
"So you've met my uncle?"  
  
"I have."  
  
"Who is it you seek, lad?" Frodo's tone grew concerned, seeing that the hobbit infront of him was clearly distressed. Sam smiled through his tears, no matter what these lands have done to his memory, Frodo was surely a gentle-hobbit to the end.  
  
"I'll introduce you when I find him," Sam thought this a funny remark but did not laugh. Sam suddenly spotted the Lady Arwen's stone dangling on it's silver chain around Frodo's neck.  
  
Frodo followed his gaze to it, "Oh, it was a gift." Frodo lifted the stone.  
  
"From- from who?" Sam stammered.  
  
Frodo's eyes flickered again. His expression grew suddenly serious for a moment. If only for a split second Sam thought he saw a sign of slight recognition, once more, but it was gone as quickly as it had come.  
  
Sam wanted to shout, The Lady Arwen! Oh please remember! But he silenced his mind.  
  
"I don't know." Frodo answered quietly, "But it is- it is precious to me."  
  
Sam's eyes widened, "Precious?"  
  
"Yes, some link to the other lands, from whence I came." Frodo was quiet a moment, "Did you come from those lands? East of the sea?"  
  
Sam gulped, "I did."  
  
They were silent for quite some time before Frodo realized they were still standing in the doorway. "How foolish of me," he slapped his head and laughed, "Come in, have a seat. Can you stay a while? I don't get hobbit visitors save my uncle Bilbo."  
  
Sam nodded and accepted the invitation. This was going to be much more difficult than Sam thought, he hoped his heart could take it, and would chose a good time to speak out and tell him exactly what to do soon.  
  
The sun had risen over the eastern horizon and hovered where the sky met the sea. Sam thought of the Shire and his children. *I'll never forget you. I'll never never forget you* He repeated their names in his head, picturing each of them and how they were going about their day right about now. He wondered if their thoughts went west to him.  
  
Frodo sighed and got a distant look in his eyes. Sam felt old feelings of concern come back to him in a surging rush. "Mr. Frodo?" It was an involuntary response as it was but at the name Frodo's head snapped up to look at him. Something stirred behind those eyes. The look of pain soon subsided again and the eyes clouded back to what they were, strange and distant. But Sam saw it strong now. He was remembering, and it was paining him. Sam bit his tongue, don't say that again, he warned himself.  
  
"I should go," Sam got up but as soon as he did he felt Frodo's hand restrain him from going any further. Sam looked down at him but he turned away.  
  
"Don't," came the faintest of whispers.  
  
Sam blinked back tears. "Pardon?"  
  
"You can tell me about the lands to the east can you not?"  
  
"I suppose but-"  
  
"Please tell me. I don't know anything of my own homeland, of my people, or even why I'm here. Can't you tell me something of where hobbits come from?"  
  
Sam could have cried. He sounded so lost. He was beginning to have doubts. Was this for the best? He did not seem happy. "I'm afraid it's not that simple."  
  
Frodo let go, "You sound just like Gandalf," he almost laughed.  
  
Sam took pity, "Well let's see," he began as if telling a hobbit child a tale. He sat back down again, reluctantly. "What can I tell you about the Shire." At saying this word he stopped again to look at Frodo but saw no change. He was smiling, his eyes attentive, settled comfortably ready to hear the tale.  
  
"Shire?" he smiled, "Is that our homeland?"  
  
Sam choked, "Yes- it is."  
  
"Bilbo's told me about it. He said it's very green, with the finest gardens in the land."  
  
Sam nodded and smiled, tears threatening to spill down his face. He started to tell some tales, staying away from a certain tale about a ring he knew he should not speak of. He wanted to enjoy this while he still could. Frodo did not remember him, so he would stay true to his word. He would see him this one last time and then leave him to his happiness. All the time in his thoughts he was cursing that one thing that took everything away from him.  
  
After a while Sam ran out of Shire stories and Frodo quickly remembered the friend that was mentioned earlier. "What about your friend?"  
  
"Hmm?" Sam's mind had wandered back to the Shire in one of the tales he was telling about when he was a boy and met his first Bucklander who had recently moved with the Master of Bag-end, who's garden's he kept.  
  
"You were looking for your friend. Did he come from the Shire?"  
  
"Yes he did." Sam felt a sudden contempt for the Ring growing in him. It made his friend leave the Shire and lose it forever.  
  
"Where is he now?"  
  
"Someone- something took him away from the Shire and all he loved."  
  
"That's terrible."  
  
Sam nodded solemly, his mind crying louder and louder, *You miserable cursed ring! You terrible forsaken ring! How I hate it! I would have born it if I could for him! I would have! That wretched ring!* "That wretched ring!" Sam clapped a hand over his mouth. He had said that last part aloud, didn't he? His gaze set on Frodo who had frozen, his smile gone, his face went pale. He did! Fool, Samwise!  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
He was silent.  
  
"Frodo?" Sam whimpered.  
  
But Frodo was completely frozen. He did not respond. He did not blink. His gaze locked on something far away his face as white as a ghost's. His mouth was partly agape, his eyes wide.  
  
"Frodo, please, I-"  
  
Silence.  
  
"I'll leave now," Sam got up, he couldn't stop the tears now, that burst through his eyes making all things seem blurred and hazy. He felt his way to the door, salty tears spilling down his cheeks. He would leave, the door was there, he would leave and never return. He would not try and take away Frodo's peace again.  
  
"Sam?" 


	7. A Fire Shall be Woken

Chapter 7: ...A Fire Shall be Woken  
  
Sam turned around and their eyes met. Frodo's were no longer distant and strange. That look that had flashed by his eyes more than once was there to stay. Sam could not stop the tears now.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
"Sam!" Frodo staggered to his feet and threw himself at Sam. Sam felt struck. He did not know what to do, but he held Frodo gently. Frodo's arms pulled tighter on Sam, not wanting to let go, hoping to pull himself close enough to his long lost friend that they became one. Sam's arms tightened wishing the same thing. They both wept together. Sam was silent but Frodo kept repeating, "Oh Sam! Sam! It's you! It really is! Sam!"  
  
At length they had to let go, for fear that the other would be strangled but the tears didn't cease. It seemed as if the long years of loneliness, of anguish at being broken, apart, was trying to escape them in their tears. When they ran out of tears it came out of their voices in gasps and sobs.  
  
"Oh Sam! I thought I'd lost you forever! You faded! You faded so far away from me! I could no longer reach you! No longer believe in you! But I wouldn't give up! I tried to reach you! Don't! Don't go don't leave me! Tell me about the Shire! Tell me it was real! It was true! And it is! And- Oh Sam!" Frodo wrapped his arms around Sam again.  
  
Sam held Frodo so tightly, it had been what he was yearning to do for such a long time, and now that he finally had his friend in his arms, he didn't want to let go. Each were drenched in eachother's tears. After a while Sam's smile faded. He realized the cold truth that Frodo had indeed forgotten him. He shook his head, that shouldn't matter now- but- but it did.  
  
"Sam? What is it, Sam?" said Frodo feeling as if he couldn't say the blessed name enough.  
  
Sam turned away feeling he could not face his friend. "You- I- it's nothing."  
  
Frodo took Sam's face in his hands. He stared deeply into Sam's deep brown eyes. They held the pain of being forgotten, cast aside. Frodo read all his anguish behind his eyes. "Oh Sam. I didn't forget you. Of all the years that we've been apart, I thought of you every second. Your face came into my mind and I cursed myself for leaving you."  
  
"Then why didn't you know me?" Sam said in a hurt voice.  
  
"I can't explain it. But I assure you, Sam," And Frodo let his hands fall to his sides. His eyes reflected the recognition Sam did not see before. It was hidden so deep, but it was there. "I assure you, Sam," Frodo began again, choking on his tears, "My heart never forgot you!" He felt the agony of seperation overwhelm him again.  
  
"I know, Frodo." Sam pulled Frodo back to his arms and cradled him like he did so long ago, when he was lost, naked, alone, tormented by orcs. "It will be alright. I don't blame you."  
  
"No, Sam," Frodo sat back up wiping away the tears. "I hurt you. And for that I will be forever sorry. I don't know how I let you slip away from my mind. How I let you and all the Shire fade away like the mist over the sea. And by that I hurt you, I could have done less damage to you if I thrust a sword in your chest and I'll forever carry that guilt with me. I shouldn't have let that happen. Because of my pain I let the one I loved the most get hurt." He cried again and buried his face in his hands, "I'm so sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry."  
  
Sam didn't know what to say. He just pulled Frodo back into his arms and smoothed out his curls and put an assuring hand on his back. He held him tight and whispered, "It's alright, Frodo." 


	8. Old Wounds

Chapter 8: Old Wounds  
  
Needless to say after that moment Frodo and Sam were inseparable, though none dared try separate them. If the magic of the Valor could not break their bond none there could, not even Gandalf. Even ushering Sam off to bed was a chore.  
  
"They're like two stubborn children. A bond as deep as brothers." Gandalf later spoke with the elves.  
  
"Their friendship goes far beyond that. It is friendship in its purest form. Their bond can never be broken, we have seen that," said Elrond.  
  
Gandalf huffed. "Like two stubborn children," he muttered again.  
  
Elrond chuckled to himself, "Grant it to them, they've been seperated for quite some time. I don't think they'd want to leave eachother's side for fear it might happen again."  
  
"You never truly know what you have until it is taken away. Rarely do you have the chance to get it back." added Celeborn.  
  
Galadriel saw the two walking along the beach in a state of complete bliss. She smiled a warm smile, "They've always known what they had. Such a friendship is hard to come by. So pure. If anything they've known this, deep in their hearts. But to have something taken away that you cherish most can cause a deep wound, only having it back can heal it."  
  
Gandalf ruffled his brows, "So it must be. Sam has a healing power for Frodo greater than the power of the Valor. I've said it so many times now but Hobbits have never ceased to amaze me. You can learn all there is to know about them in a month and still after a hundred years they can surpsise you."  
  
"And what of Frodo's wounds?" asked Elrond, "Their memory will soon return to him."  
  
Gandalf frowned even deeper, "Let them enjoy what they have. If Frodo's wounds return to him then we will do what we must for him."  
  
The Lady closed her eyes, the picture of the two hobbits still walking together along the shores stayed in her mind. Her eyes flashed open again as if struck with a vision. "The journey is not over."  
  
Celeborn took the hand of his wife, "The road goes ever on."  
  
Gandalf raised a brow at Celeborn, "So it does."  
  
~~~  
  
"Do you ever miss them, Sam?" Frodo watched his friend gaze out over the sea.  
  
"I do," Sam admitted, "But I'll never regret my decision. They've got their own lives now, their own families."  
  
Frodo laughed, "Yes you told me about your grandchildren." Then he thought about it and laughed harder, "A thousand times if you like to count."  
  
"I don't," Sam chuckled, "But I'll try for one million if you won't be mindin' it."  
  
"Of course not, Sam!" Frodo patted his friend on the back. They stood silently for a while watching the glistening sea, listening to the gulls cry. The song of the Valor hung in the air and sea.  
  
"Is this eternity?" asked Sam.  
  
Frodo pondered for a while, "Does it not live up to your expectations?"  
  
"Oh yes it does! All the more! More than I could have ever dreamed possible. But-" he sighed.  
  
Frodo laughed again, "What more could you want? Does nothing please you?" Frodo said this jokingly but Sam seemed to take offense.  
  
He blushed up to his ears, "No- I just-"  
  
"Oh, Sam!" Frodo laughed, "What is it?"  
  
Sam could not help but smile at Frodo's mirth. It was a laugh he wished to hear for so long. Even before Frodo left him, he could not remember the last time he heard Frodo laugh. "A garden," Sam said bluntly.  
  
"A garden is all you need for peaceful bliss in eternity?" Frodo grinned down at the blushing gardener, "Sam you are a gardener to the end. The best Gardener in the Shire will become the best gardener of Valinor! And all of the Valor will praise the gardens of Samwise Gamgee!" Frodo reached out to embrace his friend and caught him by surprise.  
  
Sam staggered a moment then held Frodo tight. He was still blushing. He didn't know what to say to that. He couldn't very well protest.  
  
Frodo stepped back, "I will ask the Lady, surely she would agree to a little plot for Samwise Gamgee."  
  
Sam smiled ear to ear. Frodo laughed again, "Does that please you?" Sam just shook his head to hide his scarlet face.  
  
~~~  
  
That evening Sam got his wish from a very pleased Lady Galadriel. She laughed when Frodo told her of the events of that day and set aside a good amount of land for the gardens of Sam Gamgee. Sam could not be more pleased. Frodo sat quietly watching him pour his heart and soul into his work. He tilled and churned the soil. It was so fresh and full of potency he knew the plants would grow well there. Galadriel had some elves assist her in gathering seeds as Sam made some humble requests for certain flowers. The Lady showed him where to find such flowers and sent some elves to help him. Sam was beaming.  
  
Frodo laughed and shook his head, completely content with watching Sam sort the seeds. Even after the elves left Sam worked long into the evening. When he turned finally satisfied with a days work, though it could hardly be called work, not to Sam, and not in that place, and not with Frodo sitting beside him. When Sam stood, stars were glistening in the grey sky, the sun's last rays were flickering. He saw Frodo still sitting, legs crossed, but his head hung. He was in a deep sleep. Sam laughed.  
  
He went over and sat next to the sleeping Frodo, watching the stars as they first began to peep from the blanket of night. He could not tell how long he sat there, but time never did pass as its wont in that place. He did not feel tired, the crisp sea air filling the night with cool breeze and the endless chirp of crickets singing a blissful song. Sam looked out upon his garden which was now just neatly turned soil, grey and silky fine. But underneath, Sam knew, there was life to be brought forth. He thought of his gardens up at Bag-end and his son's gardens as well. His eyes twinkled as bright as the stars themselves.  
  
The crash of the sea, the cry of the gulls, the chirp of the crickets, and the soft whistle of the winds combined into a great song that sang of the beauty of the silvery night as it fell upon the lands of the Valinor. Everything there was a part of some great song entwined in a rhythmic beat and soft melody. Even his dear friend's breathing, soft and untroubled.  
  
Sam found himself lulling to sleep as the gentle song caressed him into dreams. He saw that with each night his dreams and reality blurred all the more, bleeding together in one great state of bliss. Often he could not tell the difference between his dreams or reality, but this did not trouble him for both were a pleasant state of being. All the evils that befell him faded away like mist over the sea. He often forced himself to remember the Quest in every detail possible. He would not forget. He would never never forget.  
  
With these last thoughts Sam thought he could finally let sleep take him. But something quickly changed about the night song. The crash of the sea waves and cry of the gulls stayed ever gentle, the chirp of the crickets and whistle of the wind stayed blissful. But something changed. He pulled himself from sleep and was fully awake. Then he noticed it, Frodo's breathing had gotten suddenly laboured. His eyes clenched with fear or pain. Sam jumped to his feet. Frodo had his hand clenched to his breast and his breathing got all the more laboured coming in gasps.  
  
"Frodo?" Sam said in a meek voice just above a whisper.  
  
Frodo did not respond, he was deep in sleep still, but his breaths came in terrible gasps and persperation formed on his brow. His eyes were clenched tight, his right fist wringing his shirt just at his chest, the little stone trying to escape the desperate grasp. Sam knelt and held Frodo's left hand, it was icy cold.  
  
"It was real. The ring, the darkness, the shadow. The eye, the fire, the icy pain. So cold." His voice raced, faster and faster, "So cold. The ring, the eye, the fire. Darkness and shadow. Darkness and shadow." Frodo's fist twisted the chain holding the stone.  
  
Sam panicked. "If I don't do something he'll strangle himself." Quickly Sam unclasped the chain and slid the stone from Frodo's grasp. He held it up now trying to focus on Frodo. "Frodo please wake up. It's just a dream, Frodo, please. I'm here, Sam's here."  
  
Frodo's eyes snapped open, they had little time to focus. "The ring! It's mine!" He hissed snatching the stone and chain from Sam's trembling hand. Frodo looked about wildly and finally realized that it was a dream. That what he held so tightly in his hand was no ring and before him stood a very shaken Sam, no orc, nor eye, nor wraith. At that realization Frodo collapsed.  
  
"It seemed so real, Sam!" he cried. "It seemed so real! So real!" Sam held the trembling Frodo. At length he looked up, "Tell me it wasn't real, Sam. Please, tell me it was just a dream."  
  
Sam had no answer for this. He was silent and Frodo sobbed all the more. All Sam could do was question in his mind, "When will it end? Will either of us find peace? When will it end?" 


	9. Shadow of the Past

~Also to my reviewers (I try to answer any reviewer's questions or what not cuz I'm just so nice ^^.  
  
Talking Hawk: (sorry I called you LadyHawk before just proves how crazy skool is getting me and this lotr craze I'm on I guess you can understand the Lady part heh) Actually no I've never had this effect on people although I must say this is the first time I've ever posted any of my work. I am deeply touched that you enjoy it so much and I was very content with how Chapter 6 went. You are right with the beginning of Chapter 7 to make one whole again does make more sense. And yes this is no romance Sam is still deeply in love with Rose and she will be metioned before this is over. But Frodo and Sam have this strong bond that goes deeper than anything. So pure is their friendship. Alright anyway. Sam will be talking about Rose later on incase no one notice that when Frodo said, "Does that please you?" Sam really didn't answer. I won't drag this out much longer it is almost finished.  
  
Sorrowful Eagle: Aw yes a hobbit can find happiness I suppose. You'll just have to read and find out.  
  
Chibi Neko: ::blushes crimson:: Really I'm not all that good. But thank you and yes more is coming I like to try and update asap so that my readers aren't too tortured but I also always like to leave them wanting more.  
  
Gimli der Zwerg: This is definitely not the end though it is nearing. I hope it meets your expectations ^^;;;;  
  
Ailsa Joy: ::blushes again:: I'm so happy you are enjoying this. It's my purpose. If my readers aren't happy than neither am I. You really made my day. Thank you. I'm so happy this story is coming out alright and everyone is really enjoying it.  
  
P.N.Batgirl: Mind you these are not MY characters ::smiles innocently at lawyers:: but I do try my hardest to portray Sam, Frodo, and the rest of Tolkein's characters the way he'd want me to. I'd like to stay true to his work at all times.  
  
Coriandra: Keep reading things will go a bit deeper in the next chapters. Note to everyone keep a kleenex near this next chapter's a doosy. ^^;;;; Timber: I plan on writing many many many Sam and Frodo non-slash fics. I'm not a fan of slash but am definitely a fan of Sam and Frodo. I have ideas of some alternate ending to Tolkein's books (a without gollum ending) (can Frodo come to destroy the ring on his own? Stuff) ok wont give too much away. I'm glad you enjoy it. Keep your eyes open for the next fic.  
  
Trilliah: Yes yes I know I'm so evil. I really liked that ending really good place to leave off and hook you guys for good. ALWAYS LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE. I can't tell you how many times I've said that and I am true to my word. GreyLadyBeast: I try to update asap so there should be a new chapter every day and a new story is in the works.  
  
FrodoLover: Yes I love Frodo too. Though Sam comes in close second, so close even it would be considered a tie ^^. Yes I am a romantic too but mind you this is no romance. I am keeping Tolkein's characters true to how he portrayed them. I'm so glad you like this I really am. Thank you for reviewing.  
  
EileenBlazer: Yes I like to be cruel as stated earlier. ::Holds off rioting crowd:: I'm writing! I'm writing!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter 9: A Shadow of the Past  
  
Sam paced uneasily about the floor in Bilbo's room. He did not sleep all that night. He remembered well as if suddenly ripped out of his peaceful state, the blur between dreams and reality. When he had gotten Frodo to his feet and finally gotten them both back to the elven home he was about to collapse. Never had he felt such turmoil in that land, he didn't think it possible. He felt as if all the strength was drained from him, though Frodo was never a heavy burden and he was quite able to walk Sam was thoroughly drained. He never wished to see Frodo like that again and now that he has he doubted himself for ever coming, for ever reminding Frodo of the Ring, the Quest.  
  
"Look what you've done now, Samwise! He might have hurt you but if *you* forgot *him* he'd be a lot better off! If you just forgot all about this crazy journey he would still be happy! You fool! You hurt him! Did he have dreams of YOU stabbing him with a morgul blade? Well that's what you've done, Samwise Gamgee! That's what you've done!" Sam's thoughts blazed in his mind. Tears were hot on his cheeks.  
  
"Sam?"  
  
Sam jumped and shook like a frightened animal when he noticed Bilbo beside him. Bilbo saw the wild fear in his eyes, the doubt muddled with it, the pain and anguish streaked across his face in tears. Bilbo bit his lip hard to quell his own tears. Sam's eyes still held their wildness as if his desire for the Ring had suddenly awakened in wrath and he looked upon a greedy orc wishing to take it. But Bilbo knew the Ring was far from Sam's mind. It was Frodo he feared for.  
  
"Sam, he'll be alright. He's not hurt, his wounds can't hurt him now."  
  
"The memories of those wounds are a forever burning pain," Sam choked through gasping sobs. "And I'm the one who brought them back to him."  
  
"Sam you must stop being so hard on yourself."  
  
Sam shook his head, "I failed him. I should have kept him safe and taken that morgul blade instead. I should have been the one to carry the burden for my master. That was my duty."  
  
"Sam!" Bilbo got suddenly stiff and stern, "He never was and never will be your master. No matter what you called him, Mr. Frodo, Master Frodo, you were always Samwise to him, he loved you as a brother, more than a brother. You did as well as anyone to protect him. Now he needs you with him."  
  
"Gandalf won't let me in just yet," Sam said meekly trying to regain a steady tone, "He says Elrond cannot be bothered when healing."  
  
"Well that's a whole barrel of nonsense!" exploded Bilbo, "Surely you are the only one that can help Frodo! And why not let you in? Well we'll see about that. Come along Samwise." He stormed off to Frodo's room. Sam followed, wide-eyed.  
  
~~~  
  
When they reached Frodo's door Bilbo was about to knock when voices reached them.  
  
"There are no wounds to heal."  
  
"Can you do nothing, Elrond?"  
  
"These are just memories plaguing his dreams I can do nothing for that."  
  
"He says they pain him."  
  
"When he sleeps he will mutter many things not to be taken seriously. Most of what he says may be in a fit of dilerium trying to be what he could have been. Whatever he says is just a memory."  
  
"I believe he is in pain, one does not writhe such in sleep if he is not in pain."  
  
"Sam!" came another lost voice, as if crying from the deepest darkest depths. "Sam! Help me Sam! The orcs, the orcs! They took it! Sam! All is lost now, do not be dead Sam! Do not leave me!"  
  
Sam let out a cry, "Mr. Frodo! Coming Mr. Frodo!" he burst in the door and was stopped by Gandalf.  
  
"Let him through!" Bilbo defended the lad. "Frodo wishes to see him, you heard it clear as day."  
  
"I heard it, Bilbo, but he is dreaming. If you wish to see him you can, Samwise, but what he says might be harsh. I don't think-"  
  
"Sam!"  
  
"Lemme through!" Sam raged.  
  
"You don't understand, Samwise. He will repeat things he's said or thought along the Quest. Some may be hard to take."  
  
"He needs me!" Sam pleaded.  
  
"Then go, Sam." The wizard said gently letting the fighting hobbit go. He scrambled to his feet and ran off in the direction of the cries.  
  
Elrond raised his eyebrows at Gandalf, "Are you sure you did the right thing? He might hurt young Samwise with his words, unintentional as it may be."  
  
"It is doing them greater pain by parting them. Sam is the only cure for him now."  
  
~~~  
  
"Mr. Frodo?"  
  
Memories flooded Sam's mind. He remembered Rivendell, seeing Frodo lie on that huge bed, quivering and murmuring horrible things. So small and lost. Now the bed was not so huge and Rivendell this was not, but Sam could not help but shutter at the similarities. But Frodo did not look sick, just- scared.  
  
Frodo's hand waved unsteadily around him, "Sam?"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Frodo, I'm here." Sam took Frodo's hand and tried stay his constant shivering.  
  
"I thought you were dead."  
  
"I'm not dead, Mr. Frodo," Sam answered choking on his tears, and neither are you.  
  
"It's real. Darkness and Shadow. Darkness and Shadow!" Frodo cried writhing in the bed again. "It's so dark! Why is it so dark?"  
  
"Try opening your eyes. Your dreamin', Mr. Frodo." Sam could not stop old habits any longer, nor could he stop saying Frodo's name the Mr. was the force of habit he had come so well accustomed to. And now feeling so low on himself he did not feel right calling the one he failed so miserably by his unformal name.  
  
~~~  
  
Sam could not tell how long he sat by Frodo's bedside. Now it must have been shorter than it felt. He thought he had been there, still as a statue, for days when it had only been minutes. Frodo slept restlessly, tossing and murmerring.  
  
"Barrowdowns. Barrowdowns. Dark, cold, shadow, wind. Sam! Pippin! Merry! Come along! Why don't you keep up? Where are you?" Frodo tossed throwing his arms in the air almost striking Sam.  
  
"I'm here," he whispered. Frodo did not seem to hear.  
  
Sam thought he heard Frodo begin some tuneless song, dark and cold, "Cold be hand and heart and bone, and cold be sleep under stone: never more to wake on stony bed," he said in a shivery voice, "never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead. In the black wind the stars shall die, and still on gold here let them lie, till the dark lord lifts his hand over dead sea and withered land."  
  
Sam was growing afraid now. The chant made his bones freeze and his blood run cold. His face went pale white, he did not remember the song. Just the word Barrowdowns and his time there was not an enjoyable one. Sam tried to shake away the growing fear that clenched his heart and tried to think about the sun in the Shire and his lovely garden.  
  
Time went on as Frodo tossed moving to darker times of their journey. "No! I need to use it! They'll see me! Icy cold. So very cold. Sam! Sam!"  
  
"Here, Mr. Frodo," Sam tried to soothe, failing to calm his shaking voice.  
  
"It's cold, Sam. My arm, can't move, my arm. Poisoned icicle. My arm."  
  
"Poisoned icicle?"  
  
Frodo shook. He put his trembling hands to his face, "Gandalf! Shadow and flame! I've killed him! I let him fall!"  
  
Sam started to sob, "Frodo, he is not dead. He is not dead. It was never your fault."  
  
"The Eye! He seeks me!" Frodo cowered shrinking into himself, "The Ring it's getting so heavy! So heavy! The mirror, the vision! The Eye!  
  
Sam burried his head in his hands. "Oh Frodo."  
  
"No it is not for Gondor! The Ring is nothing but evil! It does no good! Be gone! You cannot weild it! I cannot weild it! But it is MINE! Mine I tell you!" Frodo kicked violently.  
  
Sam bit his lip. Boromir. How terrible this was, why couldn't Frodo wake? "He does not deserve this!" Sam cried looking up as if pleading (or demanding) with a higher power. "Do not do this to him!" Then he bowed his head.  
  
"No, Sam."  
  
Sam lifted head again eyes searching Frodo expectantly, "Y- yes, Mr. Frodo?"  
  
"No, Sam. You cannot come. I'm- I'm going to Mordor alone."  
  
"No!" Sam shouted feeling as if he were being dragged to the past as well, "You cannot go alone! I made a promise!"  
  
"I don't want you to get hurt, Sam. The Ring is my burden alone. I don't want it to get to you too. It already has taken me, Sam. I have been swept off my feet, Bilbo warned. I cannot turn back, but you can. It has taken hold of me, Sam."  
  
Sam trembled. He had never said this before. But Frodo abruptly changed to yet another point in the Quest.  
  
"Tired, so tired. Stairs, endless stairs, forever stairs. The Ring, so heavy. Climbing, forever climbing."  
  
Sam remembered this. He held his breath. His own legs began to ache at memory of the Stairs of Cirith Ungol.  
  
"Sam? Sam! Where are you? Orcs, so many orcs! The Ring! They've taken it! They've taken everything! And now you're gone! You've left me, Sam! All is lost! Sam!"  
  
"I never left you!" Sam cried.  
  
"You have abandonned me! They have killed you! Oh Sam! Don't be dead!"  
  
"Never! I'd never abandon you!"  
  
Frodo's face quickly changed. "Sam?"  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
"You have it." He said in a dark malevolent tone, "Give it to me! You theif! You've stolen it! Give it to me! You'll betray me! You'll take it and leave me for dead!"  
  
"How could you think such a thing?" Sam said in a hurt voice.  
  
"You theif! Give it to me! It's mine! My precious! Mine!"  
  
"No," Sam whimpered in a barely audible tone.  
  
Frodo was silent once more. The silence heavy like the heat and throb of Mount Doom. Frodo's voice came clear, "I have come. But I do not choose now to do what I came to do. I will not do this deed. The Ring is mine!"  
  
Sam felt himself freeze. He heard those words before. Those exact words. And he cried. Frodo whimpered his voice growing weaker as he felt his hand for the finger that no longer was there.  
  
"No, Sam you cannot come with me this time. I have lost the Shire but it has been saved for you and others. I'm glad of that. Don't be sad we'll meet again. For you were a ringbearer too, if only for a short time."  
  
The corners of Sam's mouth twitched flickering a slight smile. Frodo's voice was so sad, he did not want to leave him. Sam brushed back the curls from Frodo's face. He didn't forget. His heart could not forget.  
  
Frodo's voice was now a light whisper. "He was real. I know it. And he'll come. He'll come."  
  
"Was this what Frodo thought while he was here?" Sam thought. "So he didn't forget me. The bonds of our friendship held." Sam brushed away the remnants of his tears. "No," he said sternly, "You brought this on him. Why would he want you for a friend?"  
  
"Darkness. Shadow." Frodo murmerred.  
  
Sam thought about the words. He had heard them before. Frodo had quieted for a while now though his face still looked fearful. Sam stroked his hand gently thinking about the words. A rhyme came to mind. One of Bilbo's old rhymes to be precise. It brought some comfort as Sam began to recite it:  
  
*All that is Gold does not Glitter* *Not all those who Wander are Lost* *The Old that is Strong does not Wither* *Deep Roots are not Reached by the Frost* *From the Ashes a Fire shall be Woken*  
  
"...From darkness a light shall spring," finished another weak voice.  
  
"Frodo? Mr. Frodo your awake!" Sam rejoiced.  
  
"That I am, Sam."  
  
"Are you well? Do you need me to fetch Elrond? Gandalf?" Sam motioned to fetch them but was restrained by Frodo's desperate hold on his hand.  
  
"Don't," he whispered. "There is no wound to be treated. They were just-" he drew in a deep breath and let it out, "-nightmares," he sighed.  
  
Sam kept his gaze on Frodo as he sat, "Are you sure?" Sam tried hard not to show the pain on his own face from hearing Frodo's words.  
  
"Yes, Sam. This is how it must be. I cannot have both. My memories or my peace. I must make payment for the memories I so greatly cherish." He put a hand on Sam's, "Thank you for giving them back to me."  
  
Sam withdrew, "Why do you thank me?" he said in a low empty tone. "I've done nothing but bring pain to you, Mr. Frodo."  
  
Frodo cocked his head, "Mr. Frodo?"  
  
Sam bowed his head to hide the hot blush that was creeping to his ears. Yes, he wanted to say, No longer worthy of calling you Frodo if ever I was at all. But Sam kept quiet.  
  
Frodo turned away, "That hurts, Sam," he whispered.  
  
Sam looked up quickly the color draining from his face, his eyes wide desperately searching Frodo for an answer. But Frodo had turned away looking out the window. He slowly settled back down into the covers still not looking in Sam's direction. A heavy silence lay on the room.  
  
At length Frodo sighed again, still not looking towards Sam, "If that is your wish, Master Gamgee."  
  
Sam felt a great distance growing between them. This was the last thing he wanted. He gulped, "Are you well enough to have something to eat?"  
  
Frodo glared up at Sam, "I told you, I am perfectly well and in no pain! They are nightmares, Sam! Nothing more but shadows from the past!" He lept from the bed to demonstrate his good health.  
  
Sam winced as if struck by his friend's angry words. He hung his head, "Shadows. Memories that *I* returned to you."  
  
At that Frodo exploded. "Samwise!" he shouted as Sam winced again like a child that had been caught doing something wrong and was now getting the scolding of his life, "Samwise! Can you not see? I was lost without you. Lost! I was not happy just blissfully unaware. I did not know pain and I did not know pleasure! I did not know grief and I did not know joy! All I knew is the pathetic existence I was granted here and that somewhere beyond that sea I had a life! Now whether that life was kind to me or not I'd rather have it than nothing at all. There were no answers for me but there was something missing. A part of me missing. Now I'm willing to endure all the painful memories of my life to have you back!" With that Frodo broke down into tears.  
  
He took time to quell his sobs and look up at a very stunned Sam. "And I thought that was friendship. A friendship we shared. But now- now you just called me Mr. Frodo. Do you know what Mr. Frodo means, Sam? It means that I am nothing more than your master. Your master, Sam! I don't want to be your master! I never did! I never felt I was! I thought of us as equals, friends! I thought you had finally seen that!"  
  
Sam blinked and some tears rolled down his cheeks, "Oh Frodo. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"  
  
"You did Sam. You thought of yourself lower than me. Why?"  
  
"I felt-" Sam took a big gulp, "I felt I had failed to protect you."  
  
"From what? The Quest? The sword? The fire? The ring? That was never your fault. I was meant to carry that ring. It was my destiny. If not for you I'd be dead and all of Middle-Earth with me."  
  
"But you were hurt so terribly-" Sam began.  
  
"Do you know what hurt me more, Sam?" Frodo calmed his shaking voice.  
  
Sam shook his head.  
  
"You calling me Mr. Frodo just now."  
  
"Oh Frodo. What can I do? I'm sorry!" he cried.  
  
"Promise me this," Frodo's tone grew serious. "Never call me Mr. Frodo, or think me higher than you, ever ever again."  
  
"I won't, Frodo. I won't"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Alright this is almost over I hope you people don't think I'm dragging this out. I'm just trying to portray my vision in the best way possible. I can't tell you how thankful I am for all of your reviews. You really inspired me to keep this going. I never really thought my writing was that good, surely yes it was acceptable and fairly average for a fifteen year old but I didn't think I'd have so many fans. Just a note the songs and the chant Frodo says in his nightmare is not mine. These are all quotes from the book. Frodo's chant is from the Barrowdowns when Sam, Pippin, and Merry are turned to stone. I tried to bring up all of the painful parts of his journey, even the smallest hardships, please tell me if I left anything out.~ 


	10. The Road Goes Ever on and Then?

~ Alright I'm sorry! I didn't mean for it to be delayed so long! But here it is. The end. I hope you like it. I have many more fics in the works. The first time Frodo and Sam meet. An ending if Sam had killed Gollum previously. Musings of the Ringbearers. And some prelude to this. Well please don't abandon me it's just school and volleyball have been eating up my schedule like Gollum eats fish or Hobbits just eat ^^. Heh well I'll try to post faster. ~  
  
Chapter 10: The Road Goes Ever on and Then...  
  
Sam accepted it now. He knew how it must be and somehow through all the grief Sam was happy. Even though the terrible nightmares that afflicted Frodo every night did not pain him, it hurt Sam. But he'd never tell Frodo how much it hurt him. How many wounds it opened that he had thought healed so long ago. He'd never tell. Sam's guilt had also dissipated, understanding that no matter how much it pained him he wanted to remember his past life. After all, without those memories, what would he have? Nothing that's what. He'd forget Rose and all his children. So memories might pain him but at least he felt that instead of nothing at all. It took a while for it to sink in how much emotions mattered, that without them you are even more wounded. But Sam understood now. He did not tell Frodo how many nights he cried in agony at Frodo's side, he knew that with the day came healing, for Frodo would wake and together they'd heal. For the short time that Frodo slept they were apart, Frodo some how slipped away and that pained Sam. But with Frodo's return with the rising of the sun healing began again and it was all worthwhile.  
  
Even though Sam never told Frodo, being too much of a friend to ever utter a word about his own well being, Frodo knew with solemn acceptance. It was mornings he knew he had to be near his friend the most. To heal him. He tried hard to get it through to Sam that he wanted his memories, he never wanted to lose them, and he was glad Sam returned them to him. In time Frodo saw he finally got it through to Sam. They were even more inseperable than ever. In the prescence of Sam's garden they found peace and healing. One evening as the veil of night slowly drew over the land Sam and Frodo walked in content solitude. And here Sam posed his question after a long wait for the right time to do so.  
  
"Frodo?"  
  
"Yes, Sam."  
  
"Are we dead?"  
  
Frodo raised his brows, "Far from it, Sam. Whatever makes you think that?"  
  
Sam sighed watching the stars twinkle in the skies above. He couldn't tell how late it was, time didn't seem to matter any more. His dreams blurred time into nonexistance as they bled into his reality. Though with all the time he was there he never let himself forget. Reciting the names of his children and grandchildren in his mind he was silent for a long while. How long had they been there? Middle-Earth must be changed greatly if they ever returned. Sam knew that was not possible, nor his wish. He knew his children had long left Middle-Earth, gone the way of his wife.  
  
He wondered if there were, now, many copies of the Red Book, in homes of the children in Middle-Earth, and they would ask their Mum and Dad to read to them the story of the Lord of the Ring, of Frodo of Nine-Fingers, of Smaug, Gollum, and Bilbo's magic ring. Sam smiled at the thought of children everywhere holding a red book close to their hearts, escaping to the shade of a tree, like Frodo often did to read Bilbo's Red Book, and reading about the wraiths, Strider, orcs, magic, wizards, like it was all some faery tale. He almost laughed at this, "Faery Tale indeed." He pictured Aragorn as he copied the book, his decendants keeping the legend alive. After all Sam could not tell if merely days or thousands of years had passed. He went with the ladder. Would the Quest be so easily forgotten, dismissed as some faery tale? He clenched his heart hoping beyond hope that someone still believed, and was grateful for the land they had, and aware of the Great Danger. Could it be true that their tale had faded into nothing but a faery tale? He shook his head, "No. Strider wouldn't let that happen. Even after his death the legend lives. I am sure of it."  
  
"Sam?"  
  
Sam sighed again. "Well it sure doesn't feel like we're alive, if you follow."  
  
"How do you picture death?"  
  
"I guess- I guess like this. Only, something is missing. We have eternity, if we cannot die, how can we live?"  
  
"Eternity, yes, as some may call it. We are like the elves now, Sam, by the grace of the Valor that is granted to any who travel across the sea to this land. But elves die, Sam."  
  
"When will we die?"  
  
"We will live in the elvish twilight. Time has no relevence here, but we will die when the time comes."  
  
"I still don't understand. What is death like, Frodo? Should I be scared? I can't say I am."  
  
"I admit I've come close to it, Sam," Frodo answered half in jest, "But I do not know what death is like. As elves go it is a blissful sleep without waking, or so I've heard. What is beyond death, that is another road. Still round the corner there may wait a new road or a secret gate."  
  
Sam was silent as he pondered Frodo's words. At length Frodo spoke again, guessing Sam's distress, "You wish to see her again."  
  
Sam nodded solemly. "I miss her. I didn't know how much I would. Course I was torn apart when she-" Sam's eyes teared, "But I- didn't think. That is I thought- here- I might-"  
  
"Forget."  
  
Sam clenched his heart.  
  
"Sam never forget. It may seem easier to bear the pain if you've forgotten it- but- it isn't."  
  
He gulped restraining his tears. "Is eternity a long time?"  
  
"Perhaps not here Sam. And then finally you might be whole again. I believe that there is a place after death where you can remember without the pain of memories."  
  
Sam looked up at Frodo abruptly, "I thought that was here."  
  
"You cannot always have it both ways. I could have had ignorant bliss, but in turn I would lose you, the Shire, and all I suffered for. I am glad for what I have. If this is how I must live out the rest of life, waiting until that day I may have both, I will continue to pay for the memories I am so grateful for. I'm just glad to have you, Sam. I cannot tell you how glad. But as long as I do I can endure the memories, the haunting nightmares, as long as you are there at my waking, I can endure."  
  
Frodo's gaze went to the sky. Sam saw the fear behind his eyes but said nothing. He thought of how his dreams and reality became one over time, he hoped that would not be the way for Frodo. To live those nightmares as reality until his death. Sam was not afraid of death, he was not afraid he would lose Frodo or Frodo would lose him. He knew that where ever Frodo went he would follow, now together, inseparable. They would never be without eachother again. He knew that Frodo had no regrets, and he did not as well. Whatever stumble in the path that was ahead they would help eachother through, and everything would be alright. When Frodo stumbled Sam would be there to catch him and help him on his way again, he could walk blindly no longer. Without him Frodo was in greater pain than now, though perhaps he did not know it. Wounds left untended will never heal, but Sam was there now, there to heal his wounds. And Frodo there to heal Sam's.  
  
The night was cool, an icy breeze was brought by the sea. Sam enjoyed the sea wind in his hair, filling him with life and renewal. The light ocean spray was healing and somehow comforting no matter how cold it was. When Sam turned from the sea he saw Frodo behind him, trembling, and cradling his left arm.  
  
"Cold- Icy cold-" Frodo murmerred then tried hard to restrain any more words.  
  
Sam wrapped his hand around Frodo's icy left hand. It trembled fiercly. He soothed giving Frodo all the warmth of his own. The path was coming to it's end and now would be the last trial. He would forever follow his friend and they slowly made their way back to the elven homes. Frodo leaned heavily on Sam trying desperately not to murmer in his sleep as not to worry Sam. Sam did not worry, nor did he ever again. He knew his purpose, he knew his end, and he knew it would be alright.  
  
"I'm coming Rose. Just not yet. But- soon. As for now, I'm back with Frodo. I'm back."  
  
~End~  
  
~ Well? Please Review. Thank you for all your support. I can't tell you how much it means to me. Please keep watch for new fics. I'm sorry there wasn't anything about Legolas and Gimli whom I know eventually go to the Grey Havens, and sorry about not mentioning Aragorn and Arwen all that much. I really wanted this story to revolve around Frodo and Sam so I didn't want to get off track. Alrighty I'll shut up. I love you all. I can't thank you enough for all of your kind reviews. ~ 


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